The 2020 Democratic Presidential Candidates as Jane Austen Characters

I will generally keep political posting to a minimum, but this week only two things are on my mind: the Democratic presidential primary and the new film adaptation of Emma.

Special thanks to Michelle R. and Matt R. for consulting on this one.

Mike Bloomberg / Lady Catherine de Bourgh

Extremely rich and won’t let you forget it. Believes her money entitles her to run things. “Miss Bennet, do you know who I am?” Republican.

Joe Biden / Mrs. Bennet

So many gaffes, you can’t take her anywhere. Thinks she knows what’s best for the younger generation whether they like it or not. Would marry her daughter to Cornpop if he had four thousand a year. #OKBoomer

Amy Klobuchar / Caroline Bingley

Can be friendly if there is a benefit, but would 100% throw a stapler (or, like, an inkwell) at someone on her payroll.

Pete Buttigieg / Mr. Collins

Loves rich people. Your mother thinks he’d make a sensible choice, and Charlotte Lucas seems to agree. Compliments your boiled potatoes and the shape of democracy to win your favour.

Tulsi Gabbard / Mr. Wickham

Military. Sexy as hell. Would be unwise to entangle yourself.

Andrew Yang / Emma Woodhouse

Rich. Meant well and really just thought you deserved a marriage that would bring you one thousand pounds.

Tom Steyer / Frank Churchill

Will try to flatter and charm the hell out of you, but secretly already married to someone else (the someone else is the ruling class).

Elizabeth Warren / Elinor Dashwood

All sense, no sensibility. Lots of plans. Just wants everyone to follow the rules.

Marianne Williamson / Marianne Dashwood

All sensibility, no sense. Lots of feelings. Just wants everyone to love.

Bernie Sanders / Captain Wentworth

One of the few main characters in all of Austen’s work who doesn’t live on literal interest. Once rejected, given a second chance at his happy ending. “I am half agony, half hope” = me until this whole thing is over.

Edited March 2 to add: Wow, this post has gotten a lot more attention than my previous ones! I'm so glad you are enjoying it. Follow me on facebook (search Talking Lit with Aunt Mary) for more, including the March Madness book bracket starting this Friday!

Some Literary Valentines

So we already know that Heathcliffe would use you for long-game revenge against his ex and that Darcy would insult your family at first then come around. This year you’re getting some Valentines from literary characters you didn’t expect.

Enjolras (Les Misérables)

My dearest,

Your beauty is beyond compare, unless I were to compare it to the fire sparked by Lamarque in the people. No sound is more melodious than your voice, unless it be the singing of the people as they rise in revolution. No smell is sweeter than your perfume, unless it be that of the sweat of my comrades behind the barricade. No color is brighter than that of your eyes, unless it be RED, THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN.

Vive la France,
Enjolras

Nino Sarratore (The Neapolitan Novels)

[literally just the full text of Blank Space by Taylor Swift, cause baby I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream, and we WILL take this way too far]

Molly Bloom (Ulysses)

my mountain flower come to me at ten o’clock no stupid husbands jealousy will tell me no because O there is a flower that bloometh O and my heart going like mad O please do say youll come say yes I said yes I will Yes.

Lilith Iyapo (The Xenogenesis/Lilith’s Brood Trilogy)

Roses are red
Life on pre-apocalyptic earth was pain
Look, it’s going to take five of us to make a baby, Nikanj will explain.

Mary Katherine Blackwood (We Have Always Lived in the Castle)

Valentine, said Merricat, would you like a cup of tea?
Say yes, Valentine, that you’ll drink it with me.
All my other Valentines are dead.

Announcing the 2020 March Madness Book Bracket

I have a tradition of hosting a book march madness tournament every year on Facebook, and while I have in the past used my personal account to do so, this year's tournament will be hosted through the blog's Facebook page, so be sure to like and follow if you want to play.

Here's how this will work:

1. The tournament begins March 6. Each day I'll post two match-ups until the final to take place on April 6, the day of the NCAA March Madness championship game.

2. Simply cast a vote in each poll for your choice. HOWEVER, to keep it interesting, I allow additional votes in the form of good memes or just exceptionally entertaining comments, counted at my discretion. Beware that it is possible for your choice to win the popular vote but lose in the meme college.

3. I will vote only to break ties, but do not claim neutrality.

4. As always, the books chosen are not meant to be representative of, like, Good Literature or something. I love some of them and I love to hate some of them. The primary criterion for inclusion was my ability to fit the book into a snarkily-named category. There's also an obvious bias towards books I've read, but I MAKE THE RULES, OK?

5. I did not repeat winners or finalists from previous years cause I don't want this to be a boring thing where Pride and Prejudice just dominates every year. In case you're curious, previous winners are:
2019: 1984
2018: Frankenstein
2017: Pride and Prejudice

Edited March 6 to add rule number 6: As per longstanding tradition, one person and only one person not using facebook is allowed a vote, which I will register in the comments: my dear friend The-One-and-Only-No-Longer-On-Facebook-LC (TOAONLOFLC).

Without further ado, I give you the 2020 Book Bracket: